I had to get my blood taken out of my body Saturday. It was one of the scariest experiences of my life because I've always thought that if a doctor ever needed to do that to me I wouldn't be able to. But, I did it even if as I stood up I got extremely dizzy and needed to lie down. I also got a couple of other tests done and got a lot of peace of mind from questions answered and tests run. I've always thought there was something wrong with me. I won't tell you why but I've always had this underlying fear inside me that something just wasn't quite right. I'm thinking back to that day and some other things I've come across. Really I'm very proud of myself that I got what I needed to get done. I feel like I've been holding myself back with different areas of my life. I turned 20 not too long ago and whenever I have a birthday nowadays I always contemplate my life and what I really want out of it. I know what I want out of my life but I still struggle to really DO something about it and the doctor's visit also brought me back to that mindset. There's nothing really holding me back now. So I keep thinking to myself - what's holding me back?
I came across this blog on a woman who home schools her kids. Penelope Trunk was the very reason I wanted to do this post because I love her opinions and the way she writes what she wants to say. Why was I looking up homeschooling blogs? Well I like to think about the future all the time and public schools have always seemed like the worst place you can possibly send your kids. With my career I know I wouldn't be able to send my future kids to private schools and I might not even care to anyways but, nevertheless it's what I discovered through these blog posts that I want to talk about.
I feel like I would be very hypocritical to want to be a school counselor (if I even go down that path because I'm still very indecisive) when I hate public schools. I mean elementary school was great for a while until I switched schools but beyond that I just didn't care anymore. I remember just not caring... I started really disliking teachers and the very few times I saw the school counselors were horrible. I want to be a school counselor because I really hated middle school and I think I could make a difference but the thing is I would never want to send my kids to public schools or any curriculum based school. Sitting eight hours a day... What if my kid had ADD like my brother has or did or whatever? What if they needed to move to think like Ken Robinson's (you can skip to 15:10 to know what I'm talking about) friend? I don't want my kids or any other kid in fact to lose their creativity or never really discovering what their talent is. I still don't think I'm very good at anything and even if I'm only 20 that is still very discouraging. So would I be hypocritical if I don't like public schools and the way they contain kids like prisoners to be a school counselor at one? Or would I have to go to a more progressive school? Is that where kids need the most help though...? I don't know.
I love the idea of unschooling - learning through life and social interactions. Not standardized tests and unnecessary classes. I mean I despise science class. I honestly think it's cool when I'm learning about it outside class. It's very interesting stuff but I still say to myself I hate science. What's wrong with that picture? This all brings me to being proactive. I really need to start evaluating my life more and doing something about what I want my life to be like. I picture my life a certain way and I don't feel like I'm working towards that at all. It's really frustrating. So I want to start acting like an adult and go after what I want. I want to learn how to drive already for goodness sakes! I want to be able to cook like a functional human being and I want to be able to explore my career options and figure out where I think I work best in the world. I wonder how do you all feel about this? Do you feel like you know what you want out of life and you are on the right path or are you daunted by what the future holds for you?